Sense of Insecurity

Sometimes, I feel like i'm in love. Sometimes, I get heartbroken.

For now, Asyraaf and I are really happy and living the perfect life every couple would dream of. We wake up to see each other in bed. We cook epic meals together. We watch TV series together. We buy groceries together. We split the household chores. We seldom have arguments.

But sometimes, I don't know... I feel like this is so unreal. It's like the calm before the storm. I keep thinking that his ex will turn up again and steal him away from me.

I always thought that in terms of so many things, I'm much better than her. I hate to brag, but i'm prettier than her, I'm taller, I'm slimmer, I'm richer, I'm perhaps more intellectual, I am so much better than that socially awkward girl that has little self esteem.

I don't know.

After my momentary defeat in May 2012, I felt as though someone jerked me out of my dreamland. It doesn't matter if you're prettier or smarter or in general, better than the other person. Ultimately, it's the feelings and memories that weighs the most. I learnt that the hard way.

Anyway, sometimes I feel so insecure about this relationship. The past seems to have taken a liking to me. I sometimes have dreams about Asyraaf going back to his ex. It haunts me. Makes my day so much worse. Even though he tells me everyday that he loves me, I get the feeling that he doesn't mean it. Like he used to say it to his ex girlfriends. I could be "just another one". I'm really scared that one day, he'll think that our relationship is futile, hopeless. And I will be just like his other ex gfs. I'm so tired of getting freaked out because of the past.

I'm scared.

Sunday, February 24, 2013 @ 10:32 PM / 0 daisies

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Sense of Insecurity

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